"Dedicated To The Winners & The Losers..." - Raekwon


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Dear God, Why Are You Fucking With Us?

"[Archived Photo]: Man Screaming Expletives In A Cemetery ( 2010). Source: The Good Doctor Zeus' Worst Nightmares, copyright B.J. Steiner, July 2010."


Dear God,

Are you fucking kidding me?! After the unmitigated disaster of the 2008 Browns and 2008/2009 Cleveland Indians, you are crushing our hopes for a championship with a wildly disappointing wannabe contender, yet again. You really are doing this to the city of Cleveland, yet again? Why? What the hell did we ever do to piss you off so much?

It's bad enough that we had to watch our last two CY Young winners be traded away and proceed to start Game 1 of the World Series for our bitter enemies but you are now fucking with LeBron James, too. The Cavaliers are only two games into the season and they look like a total, irredeemable clusterfuck. I can understand getting beat by the Celtics on Opening Night. The Celtics are a great team after all (
I just got nauseous a little admitting that...) but having us getting nearly blown out by the Toronto fuckin' Raptors is beyond the pale even for your vindictiveness.

Why do you continue to build us up only to anally violate our souls with spike medieval weaponry? Was trading away Rocky Colavito that much more of an affront to you than the Red Sox trading away Babe Ruth or that damned Cubs goat? Those teams got to enjoy Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Tom Brady and the 1985 Chicago Bears. Why fuck with us in all three major sports? It's bad enough we have to tolerate the gross, spectacular incompetence of the Fake Browns. Why mess with the only thing that's remotely source of civic pride in our fair city? Lebron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers.

This is bullshit so get your act together, fix up Delonte West and get the Cavaliers back in shape or we will have more than words when I see you, God. This is not acceptable.

Love,

The City Of Cleveland

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

all i got to say is hahahahhahhahahahhhahahahah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


wooo go raps.

Christopher said...

We should legally be able to kick you out for rooting against your adopted home.

Shame. Metrocards are wasted on you.

DocZeus said...

Christopher-

I assume you are referring to my hatred of the Yankees. Let me just say this city has a perfectly acceptable team to root for that is not the physical embodiment of all evil on earth. They are called the New York Mets. Rooting for the Yankees is akin to saying you are a horrible human being and have no soul. Yankees fans are not to be trusted. They are not to be respected. They are to be shunned and cast in a fiery pit.

You are rooting for an organization that is ruining baseball.

tray said...

All you guys really need, I think, is a legit power forward, a David West sort of guy. Maybe a little backcourt help. Shaq was obviously not the smart move.

DocZeus said...

Oh, I agree. Unfortunately, Pau Gasol-types aren't just being traded to contenders for nothing. (Oh wait...) Thus, I can't believe I'm suddenly talking myself into trading Z for Stephen Jackson's bad contract.

Christopher said...

Haha. You're right on all that. I actually root for the Mets and couldn't care less about team loyalty and who wins these things, but I had to bust your balls a little on account of your "Cleveland Status"- KiD CuDi

I'd actually wouldn't mind to see the Yankees lose because, cliche as it is to say, they stack their teams by buying half of Santo Domingo. And then the fuckers still lose. If you're going to pay extravagant prices for your franchise players, at least make the investment pay off. Plus as someone this leftist I can't cosign any of the infrastructural/taxpayer elements to NY sports.