"Dedicated To The Winners & The Losers..." - Raekwon

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Stay Tuned...

"It's Sort Of Hard To Believe That These Dudes Got Swallowed Up By These Beached Whales..."

So where have I been the last month? Did I lose my indomitable will to hate on shit and retire? Did I get assassinated by crazed Lil' Wayne stans? Was I abducted by Martians? Was I abducted by Martians who were Lil' Wayne stans? Did I start obtaining frequent sex? No. I just have been a victim of one of the worst cases of post-New Year's malaise that I have ever had the privilege of being afflicted with. Plus, it's January and there has not been a significant release of new music thus far so I really haven't been motivated to listen to new music. (Plus, I purchased an X-Box 360 so Gears of War and Call Of Duty have been eating a significant portion of my free-time. We all have our priorities, people! I choose to live the life of a loser fuck-up. If I could I would totally make sweet, slow passionate monkey love to my newly acquired love of my life if not for fear that my genetic material might cause the CD tray to stick...yeah, I went there...) But for those that are interested here's some things that I have been doing since I began my month-long sabbatical.

- Since I'm never going to finish my "Year End Hate Off Spectacular" since I'm being incredibly lazy and it's like a month past being remotely relevant. Here is the list of my favorite albums of the year:

1. Wale - The Mixtape About Nothing
2. The Knux - Remind Me In 3 Days...
3. Elzhi - Europass
4. Raphael Saadiq - The Way I See It
5. The P Brothers - The Gas
6. Kanye West - 808s and Heartbreak
7. The Roots - Rising Down
8. Q-Tip - The Renaissance
9. Killer Mike - I Pledge Allegiance To The Grind 2
10. eMC - The Show
11. Nas - The N**** Tape
12. Erkyah Badu - New Amerkyah Part One (4th World War)
13. Black Milk - Tronic
14. Ludacris - Theater Of The Mind
15. The Game - L.A.X.
16. Kidz In The Hall - The In Crowd
17. Portishead - Third
18. Termanology - Politics As Usual
19. Crooked - The Block Obama: Mixtape For The Streets
20. Statik Selektah - Stick 2 The Script

- I have been listening a lot to Group Home's "Livin' Proof" lately. Really, really dope but in a completely inexplicable how the hell did this remotely happen manner. What does Malachi the Nutcracker exactly have on Primo that made him lace his no-talent ass with "The Realness?" I've narrowed it down to the either gay sex photos or Malachi must have whacked Primo's jump off for him? Only explanation. Has there ever have been a collection of worse emcees to inexplicably make a classic than Group Home? I'm sure Noz would know.

- I almost died. Seriously. In fact, I probably should have died in what should have been a fiery, murderous clusterfuck of a car crash but instead managed to escape to hate on shit for another had to spend the night in an abandoned diesel fuel station in bumblefuck Pennsylvania. The day after I wrote my last drop, I was driving home for Christmas back to good ol' Shaker Heights, Ohio when an unexpected ice storm hit in hour ten (of what should be a seven hour drive) around 11:30 pm of my trek back home. This normally would not be a problem but the Gods of Earth-616 decided that I had not suffered enough in my twenty-five years of existence so they planted a blue Ford Explorer and an idiot of driver in my path. Literally. As I was driving along on the highway bumping Ludacris' "Word Of Mouf" of all things at volumes not recommended for future use of hearing, one of the dregs of society inexplicably decided that the safest place to wait out this ice storm was to PARK in the middle of the left lane of the highway. Yes, some asshole decided that it would be a good idea to idle his fucking car not on the side of the highway but on...the...motherfuckin'....highway! I being of sound mind and body slammed on my breaks with an furiousity not seen since Fred Flinstone piloted his vehicle around Bedrock but curiously, my car did not take that well to the ice on the ground and decided that it needed to perform doughnuts across traffic. Temporary insanity and panic ensued.

To make a long story short, I ended up in a ditch on the opposite side of the road but miraculously, neither my car or myself was seriously damaged. After a kind truck driver helped me get my car out of the ditch and back onto the road, I decided that I was not going to attempt to drive any further so I attempted to find a motel but this being god-the-fuck-knows-where Pennsylvania, I could not find anything and the roads had gotten so bad that I was close to losing control of my vehicle going five miles an hour, I peeled off and spent the evening in an the aforementioned diesel fuel station across from the shatted remains what I can only imagine was the inspiration for the Bates Motel thinking I was going to get stabbed to death by Jason Voorhees. Needless to say, if I ever meet the douchebag who parked in the fucking highway. a tire iron is going to be not-so-gently introduced to your rectal cavity.

- The nominations for the Oscars this year are even more bullshit than usual. None of my three favorite films this year ("The Dark Knight", "Wall-E", "The Wrestler") were nominated in favor of five films that I'm pretty sure all suck in some degree or another. Granted, the only film that I saw that was nominated was "Milk", a film I thought was thoroughly average but all of these films reek of the calculated Oscar-bait, movie studios turn out in order to cover up the fact they are more interested in making shitty romantic comedies starring Cameron Diaz and McDreamy than making anything remotely interesting.

- Rick Ross vs. 50 Cent... Sigh...

- A new post will up about something of substance soon but for the time being you'll have to live with the fact that I'm not dead. Stay Tuned...

- Listen: Capone-N-Noreaga - Stay Tuned (Interlude)


Kronos said...

Glad to see you back. We missed your ever so subtle, gently chiding perspective in the hip-hop blog world (even if you are not-a blogger).


bding7 said...

I almost died. Seriously.

well, now i feel like an asshole. glad you're back.

Trey Stone said...

Luda and Game's albums -- i thought you were the guy who hated generic Southern production/Dre knockoffs?

really though, good to see you back man. i hear you on the lack of motivation thing. i've been trying to write a post on "Prom Queen" and rap-rockisms gone wrong, but i find it a lot harder to write on music i think sucks.

Jordan said...

Always good to see people not be dead.

Anyway, it's not like you missed much, it's been a pretty boring month for rap. Though I expected more that you were living in a drunken haze, unable to properly function, but I guess that's just me.

Agreed on the Oscar Noms. I've only seen Slumdog, which was some straight up bullshit (though not the kind of Oscar-bait you're talking about I think) but I find it fucked up they're nominating movies nobody (critics or audience) is that excited about. My favorite movie this year was Shotgun Stories, which I knew wasn't going to be nominated, but even though I'm less hot on your three favorites (Don't get The Wrestler at all, Wall-E's 3rd act was weak, Dark Knight had too much monologuing), they all at least had really passionate supporters. And no nomination for Sally Hawkins? Perhaps the biggest piece of bullshit of all.

DocZeus said...

"Luda and Game's albums -- i thought you were the guy who hated generic Southern production/Dre knockoffs?"

True but I like Ludacris and thought his album was surprisingly hot. As for the Game, I enjoyed it. Sue me.

tray said...

Dark Knight was terrible, but I too was shocked that it wasn't nominated after all the crazy hype. Like really, a mediocre Ron Howard Nixon movie that totally distorts what really happened over probably the most popular movie in the past 3 years? Or a Kate Winslet plays an Illiterate Pedophile Nazi Movie? Really strange. Shit, Hancock is better than three fifths of these nominees. But probably my three least favorite movies of all time are Crash, Million Dollar, and Slumdog, so I'm not too surprised or anything. Anyway, real hip-hop lives, the first single off Cuban Linx 2 is the best thing to come out in eons.

Trey Stone said...

i dunno, i can't find much salvageable about the Luda other than "One More Drink," where i'm guessing the Trackmasters straight looped a sample for the beat in typical sub-Hitmen fashion. plus it follows in the "Money Maker"/"What Them Girls Like" tradition of Luda singles starting to sound like they could've been made by anyone. but anyway.

tray, would you've liked "Dark Knight" if it didn't attempt to comment on counterterrorism? cuz it was one of the most undeniable films i've seen in a long time

tray said...

Well that part was muddled, definitely lose that, as well as the attempt to comment on just about anything (i.e. "some people just want to see the world burn," or that dopey scene where the Joker discovers that people won't blow up a boat full of captives - deeeep) - but so was the whole movie, you know? Half the time I'm watching these action sequences like, "what the fuck is going on," or, "why was this pointless trip to China included in the movie." And Bale was awful. And the ending was deeply idiotic. There were some moments, Heath leaving the hospital in the nurse's outfit, the cell phone in the man's stomach, but other than that... blah.

Raph said...

glaad to hear ur okay now

Jay (d)eff Kay said...

Obviously relieved that you're not dead. If you had died in a fiery car crash while listening to Luda, I'd have sworn that it was a calculated move on your part, just to prove to the world that southern hip hop really is killing our youth. That would have been dedication to your hatecraft. I'd expect nothing less.

It also goes without saying that since you didn't serve us with a year end hate off, we expect residual hate to build and flow twice as hard for the rest of this year.

DocZeus said...

Tray... how I missed thee...

douglas martin said...

zeus, i'm really sorry to hear about your car crash and i'm glad you're alright, dude.

Christopher said...

Shit. I was hoping to get up a good post roll so I could steal your readership.


Anonymous said...

Where was Breihan on December 20th? Clearly, this must be investigated.

Glad you're not dead and/or mangled. The world needs its middlebrowed reactionaries.

Jay (d)eff Kay said...

"Where was Breihan on December 20th? Clearly, this must be investigated."

In his defense, Breihan didn't mean to do it.

"Driving a car full of sleeping people at night is a weirdly solitary experience. People are all around you, in your car and in the cars around it, but you can't really interact with them, so you stare at the road and let your mind wander." (http://blogs.villagevoice.com/statusainthood/archives/2007/09/figuring_out_ka.php)

Taken out of context sure, but i'd like to think that the plot thickens. den den duh...

Hiphop said...

Doc dude's also from Shaker Heights: http://dailymathematics.blogspot.com/2009/02/combat-jack-salutes-gabe-tolliver.html