"Dedicated To The Winners & The Losers..." - Raekwon


Sunday, November 16, 2008

What I Imagine Lil’ Wayne’s (And DJ Drama’s) “Dedication 3” Sounds Like Without Giving Enough Of A Shit To Actually Sit Down And Listen To It


"Still, Probably Better Than 'Tha Carter 3'"

Possibly, the most egregious moment in the history of the utterly desolate abyss of the Pitchfork yearly best of... lists was when Lil’ Wayne bamboozled Thomas Breihan into thinking he was deep by releasing the gloriously average “Georgia...Bush” on his thoroughly mediocre mixtape “Dedication 2.” It set off a change reaction in which Lil’ Wayne upon being nothing more than a flash in the pan weed carrier on Cash Money Records for most of his career inexplicably became the biggest star in all of music. When “Dedication 2” clocked in at number 37 on that year’s list (ahead of J-Dilla’s "Donuts" no less!), I knew I had lost the war. Despite ranting for months on message boards across the nation to fifteen year old Weezy fanboys that Lil’ Wayne was not, in fact, better than Rakim, I knew at the moment, that it was inevitable. Lil’ Wayne was about to become critically respected. My soul died a little bit that day.

It’s been two years since that fateful day and my worst case scenario has come to fruition. Weezy is as ubiquitous as ever. “Tha Carter 3” was a bigger success than even I could imagine in my fevered, drunken nightmares, he’s showing off his neophyte guitar skills for Kid Rock at the Country Music Awards and he’s being given more and larger platforms to take his shirt off homoerotically in public. It’s a nightmare...

But that just means that it’s giving me more opportunity to practice my particular brand of hate. The (apparently, I had no idea it was even coming out so soon...) highly anticipated mixtape, “Dedication 3”, was released by Lil’ Wayne and (the thoroughly, useless) DJ Drama this week and I thought it would be perfect to do another installment in my What I Imagine... series.

As per usual, this should be considered the definitive review of this mixtape because well, you know the drill... flawless taste in all... Enjoy!

1. Welcome Back - I’m really hoping this samples that comeback Mase jawn where he samples the Welcome Back, Kotter theme. I love that song...without shame.

2. Dedication 3 [Feat. Mack Maine, Willie The Kid & La the Darkman] - Wait a second, La the Darkman is on this? The Wu-Tang J.V. member? Seriously?! Tell me, Weezy ain’t a fan of “Uncontrolled Substance” era Inspectah Deck! That might totally change my opinion of him as an artist!

3. What Else Is There To Do? - Um, you could go away. It worked wonders for Jay-Z’s career.

4. Thingy Pleaser [Feat. Jae Millz] - Weezy’s uber-misogynistic sex jams are almost always inherently, more quease inducing than your standard sex jam because not only are they usually more scatalogical (because he has to work harder to convince us that he has relations with the opposite sex) but they always sound so joyless. I mean let’s take UGK’s legendarily offensive “Pregnant Pussy” as an example. The song might be pound for pound the most offensive song ever recorded but the song is also undeniably fun because there seems to be a sense that despite the horrible things that Pimp C and Bun B are saying there is a knowing sense that they understand this undeniably ignorant but we’re gonna fuck around with you, anyway. There is joy in that. Unlike, Weezy’s material which always sounds like he’s completely uninterested in women and thus makes it all the more unpleasant to listen to. It’s the same exact problem I have with Cam’ron. It just sounds detached and forced which just amplifies the misogyny. Probably because they much rather be both sleeping with Juelz Santana, respectively..

5. Ain’t I [Feat. Jae Millz] - I’m guessing this song samples that completely uninspired, lost Jay-Z/Timbaland collaboration from earlier this year. Only except we aren’t getting Jay-Z’s corpse rapping about his Basqiats, we get Jae Millz rapping about coke. Lovely...

6. You Love Me, You Hate Me - Actually, I just hate you but I’ll forgive the misunderstanding.

7. Bang, Bang [Feat. Jae Millz & Gudda Gudda] - Hey! It’s time for the ubiquitous Weezy song where he tries to convince people that he didn’t get a recording contract at the age of ten and actually used to run around shooting people in the projects of New Orleans. These songs usually tend to work out for Weezy as evidenced by my love for the “Cannon (Remix)” that was on the last one of these monstrosities. I really do love that song. This song might have some hope.

8. “The Other Side” [Feat. La the Darkman, Jae Millz & Gudda Gudda] - What is going on here? La the Darkman, again? Seriously, why him? If you’re going to pick random Wu weed carriers, why not get like Killah Priest or Killa Sin or something? This is just too inexplicable for words.

9. My Weezy [Feat. Shannel, Lil Twist & Tyga] - Oh, great female weed carriers... their level of suck can only be compared to the suck of the legendary white weed carrier. This song can’t be any good.

10. A Dedication - This must be one of those times where Drama wastes a minute and fifty seconds of your life shouting out the various sycophants and untalenteds he has signed to the Aphilliaties. I know DJ Khaled is universally the most despised man in hip hop these days but for my money, Drama gives a serious run for his money in terms of total douchebaggery and general annoyance. I hate Drama...

11. She’s A Ryder [Feat. Kidd-Kidd] - What is with Weezy’s jewelry polisher’s names? Kidd-Kidd? Gudda Gudda? Is Juelz “Same Word With The Same Word” Santana naming these people? Somebody is definitely not trying hard enough.

12. Still I Rise [Feat. Nicki Manaj] - Two to one this samples T.I.’s “No Matter What” and Weezy turns it into a metaphor for getting an erection... And I never thought I’d see the day where somebody would manage to out class Lil’ Kim’s famous poster but Nicki Manaj is doing her finest to top it...

13. Magic [Feat. Gudda Gudda] - Dollars to doughnuts, this about drugs. Either this is about Weezy’s dedication to syrup or about that one time he heard about one of these guy’s his friend’s knows cousin sold some weed to his college roommate.

14. Do’s and Dont’s Of Young Money - Oh please for the love of god, let this be a cover of Nas’ legendarily bad idea train wreck that was “Dr. Knockboot”...

Sample couplet: “First, DON’T smoke yourself utterly retarded/or you’ll be making shitty songs with auto-tune and sounding garbage” (Ok, I’m not a very good rapper. You get the point...)

15. Whoever You Like [Feat. Jae Millz & Gudda Gudda] - Damn, Jae Millz is on everything on this mixtape.! His brain game must be strooooong! Also, Lil Wayne + the “Whatever You Like” beat = This.

16. “That Was Easy” - It was most assuredly not, DJ Drama.

17. Get Bizzy [Feat. Gudda Gudda] - I would soil myself if they rapped over that Roots songs from “Rising Down” this year. I would totally be down for Weezy rapping over some Roots. It’s probably not, though...

18. I Got That Gangsta - No, you don’t. Stop frontin’.

19. A Message To The DJ’s - Remember when Lil’ Wayne caught a bitch-fit earlier this year when he realized talentless leeches like Khaled were making money off his freestyles while he was getting dick and he told mixtape DJ’s to go fuck themselves. I’m guessing Drama forced him to cop a plea here which is shame because, honestly, fuck mixtapes DJ’s!

20. Stuntin’ [Feat. Drake] - Was there a “Hustlin’” rip-off called “Stuntin’” this year that blew up while I was listening to Elzhi records or something? There seems like there would be a song like that. Either way, there is no way this wasn’t produced by the Runners.

21. Dedicated - Drama wastes even more of your life on this one...

22. Put On [Feat. Tyga & Gudda Gudda] - I can’t imagine combining Gudda Gudda and auto-tune is the smartest idea. It didn’t work for Kanye on this song and it won’t work for you, Gudda Gudda.

23. Outro - Hopefully, this won’t be a repeat of the last track on “Tha Carter 3” where Weezy got confused and rambled on about Al Sharpton for six minutes before passing out in the booth after drinking way too much lean. That would be terrible. Actually, you know what? I take that back. I would love to hear the outtakes of that song where he not only goes in on Sharpton but he goes on an extended, profanity-filled, anti-semitic rant about the Jews and how there is a global conspiracy to control all media and government, Mel Gibson-style. I think I just would about die...

Overall: With every track seemingly overloaded with weed carriers (and not even his “allegedly” good, XXL-approved weed carriers like Cory Gunz and Curren$y), I can’t imagine this being any good. What do I recommend instead? The new Q-Tip album is surprisingly not as terrible as I imagined it would be. You could totally do worse than wasting an hour listening to Q-Tip do his damn hardest to recreate old school Tribey goodness. That album is pretty good. This mixtape probably sucks.


Adjusted Pitchfork Rating: 3.3

36 comments:

tray said...

Fuck, I forgot to include Georgia Bush in my list of shit from southern rappers that's been praised for being rillll political when it was just rilllly average.

Jesus Shuttlesworth said...

a better wu weed carrier would have been Superb.

"3. What Else Is There To Do? - Um, you could go away. It worked wonders for Jay-Z’s career."

please tell me i'm just dense and missing the joke.

DocZeus said...

"please tell me i'm just dense and missing the joke."

It's sarcasm, my friend. Sarcasm. Although, you could argue that Jay-Z retiring was the best career move he could make because he was clearly running out of ideas after the Blueprint so by retiring he got to make a "retirement" album and thus by taking his non-sabbatical sabbatical only increase interest in anything he did and thus prime the way for the inevitable comeback album and the fanfare that would bring.

Of course, Jay promptly lost his ability to rap in the three years he was "gone" but that's another issue...

"a better wu weed carrier would have been Superb."

Well, he did write "Supreme Clientele" so he's got that going for him...

Natan said...

Doc, you're so close minded...

i love it!

as for my opinion... the hip hop world's in good hands nowadays - Nas, Lupe, Kanye & yeah, Weezy are doing a good job reinventing it after everything stopped back in 96.
i still keep my fingers crossed for Mr. Mathers comeback, even if i'm more than skeptical...

got off track - i just listened to C3 last night, it's still pretty dope, maybe i'll peep that Mixtape soon.

oh, and Q-tip did a great job man.

Vic DeMille said...

Yeah, maybe it is a lil' weed rap but isn't that exponentially better than cracked-out, faux music journalism.

Jay (d)eff Kay said...

"My Weezy [Feat. Shannel, Lil Twist & Tyga] - Oh, great female weed carriers” as far I know tyga is male, although I have seen a video of his, and it would be easy to misunderstand. He honestly looks like something straight out of Disney’s A Bug’s life. I have gathered evidence for anyone interested :
http://www.siteoffline.com/images/a_bugs_life.jpg , http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/VAD_o7e0o8t/Tyga+Coconut+Juice+Video+Shoot/Eb6LzV0L-wc/Tyga

“What is with Weezy’s jewelry polisher’s names? Kidd-Kidd? Gudda Gudda?” I really wish you’d be more sensitive to functionally-retarded (‘differentially-abled’) rappers that stutter – I get the feeling that’s not even their entire name anyway - that’s probably all their stutters were able to manage in a cruel world full of short attention spans. Coz I’m a nice guy, I’m gonna listen to the whole song just to find out if they do finish speaking their whole name. I’m not even kidd kidd kidding

“If you’re going to pick random Wu weed carriers, why not get like Killah Priest or Killa Sin or something?” Killa Sin??? Wow at the killarmy reference. Do you really dip that far into the wu-tang web of affiliates’ affiliates, doc?

All in all, I haven’t heard the record yet. I feel really weird not being excited about a weezy mixtape, but over saturation has started to sink in, and adding a weed carrier overdose to the mix doesn’t help. I’ll probably download it eitherway to tide me until the 4th quarter blast.

DocZeus said...

"Yeah, maybe it is a lil' weed rap but isn't that exponentially better than cracked-out, faux music journalism."

Nothing, I do is remotely close to journalism, faux or otherwise.

Marcus said...

Dr. Knockboot is one of the best songs from I Am.

And hating Drama is not cool at all

And liking any Wu affiliates isn't cool either

And hating on Hov isn't cool either

You're not cool

DocZeus said...

Marcus-

C'mmmmoooon. I hate on everything!

Badmon3333 said...

If you're going to enlist a Wu weed carrier, Hell Razah is, without question, the way to go. Two of his last three albums may have contained the phrase "Renaissance Child," but all three are solid, and most of the board work, by Blue Sky Black Death, makes you long for pre-Bobby-Digital RZA (although BSBD's newest, 'Slow Burning Lights,' is pretty fuckin' weird set of New-Agey neo-soul).

Then again, Hell Razah probably had the good sense to say "Oh Dr. Hell No" to a DJ Drama mixtape... hence the call to LA the Darkman.

DocZeus said...

"Then again, Hell Razah probably had the good sense to say "Oh Dr. Hell No" to a DJ Drama mixtape... hence the call to LA the Darkman."

I don't thin any of the Wu-affiliates are in a position to turn down DJ Drama. In fact, if Drama calls U-God to do a Gangsta Grillz, he better not be turning it down.

DocZeus said...

Now that I think about it, what ever happened to that alleged DJ Drama/G-Unit mixtape from earlier that year, I've never heard of a mixtape getting pushed back before but I suppose anything is possible with how low 50 Cent's stock has sunk in the last few years.

Anonymous said...

Killa Sin is in jail.

Badmon3333 said...

"Killa Sin is in jail." - Now THERE'S someone who's too into the Wu weed carriers, hahaha.

Badmon3333 said...

Doc - Point took'n, although I would submit that Hell Razah is about three-and-a-half times the MC that U-God is (he's already two solo albums ahead).

Jay (d)eff Kay said...

I've been having a relatively slow day at work. But then. A mysterious, anonymous message arrives. All it said was "Killa Sin is in jail" - I just burst out laughing when I read that. It just seemed so ominous and so full of serious concern.

I'm gonna have to agree w/ badmon on his hell razah pick. i barely dig any further than the original wu line up, so i'm pretty oblivious to what the wu affiliates are up to, but razah's last album with blue sky, black death (which i ignored initially purely on principle, because the name 'blue sky black death' sounded like a jared leto solo album ) was a really nice surprise; definitely something worthy of the wu brand. Speaking of which, he's got an album coming out real soon doesnt he? Plus he's apparently a member of sunz of man, another wu affiliate that i hear is really good.

anyways, i'm rambling, thanks for the cheer up, anonymous killa sin fan

DocZeus said...

"Doc - Point took'n, although I would submit that Hell Razah is about three-and-a-half times the MC that U-God is (he's already two solo albums ahead)."

U-God serves his purpose in the Wu. He really does have a great voice. It's too bad, he couldn't get Deck or GZA to write his rhymes for him.

tray said...

He serves his purpose, but just think how much better the Wu would've been with, like, Killa Cam in it instead. Hahahaha. I crack myself up. Now quick: on which classic Cash Money song did Wayne say that?

DocZeus said...

I'm sorry they already have a superior version of Cam'ron in the Wu-Tang. His name's Ghostface. If you're going to get somebody, at least, get somebody that brings something new to the table.

But I'll tell what Children Of the Corn alum that would have been perfect for the Wu-Tang. Big L. Can you imagine Big L kicking his ultra-violent punch-lines over RZA beats? All I can say is.... Duuuuuuude.

Badmon3333 said...

Jay (D)eff Kay: BSBD has put out some really decent work lately. That disc w/Hell Razah is nice, and his 'Evil Jeanius' collab with Jean Grae is 10x better than her rapping over "the rotting corpse of 9th Wonder's beats" (gotta give you props, Doc... I love that phrase... I quoted it in my Edgar Allen Floe review: http://www.sussexcountian.com/entertainment/x1197773586/Review-The-Streetwise-LP-by-Edgar-Allen-Floe )

tray said...

I think Ghost and Cam do very different things in somewhat similar ways. Like yes, those two and Young Dro are the three most likely rappers in the world to compare something to tropical fruit punch. But other than that, radically different. Cam is or rather was more of a technical master. Ghost brings tons of heart. Cam's an arrogant ass. Ghost tells stories. Cam inventories his closet. There's just so many differences, and I always get a little annoyed when those two and Wayne get lumped together in this free associative boat.

DocZeus said...

And thus my lifelong dream of being quoted in the Sussex Countian gets fulfilled

badmon3333 said...

What can I say, I aim to please...

Oh man, in less than 8 minutes, I will be listening to the new Coolio album, 'Steal Hear.' I'm currently taking bets on how horrifyingly bad it will be, on a scale of "Wha... Tha.. Fa..." to "Hacking Laughter Culminating in Respiratory Arrest."

badmon3333 said...

Whoops guess it's not new. Apparently it came out back in February... man is it bad. It should probably be titled "Coolio Takes a Stab At All Your Favorite Rap Genres!" See him do his best Young Jeezy impression! Watch as he does a subpar remake of his own song, "Mama I'm in Love with a Gangsta"! Featuring a guest appearance by the original Poor Man's Nate Dogg, L.V.!!

d. b. cooper said...

La the Darkman and DJ Drama have a business relationship. I think La bankrolls DJ Drama, or vice versa. Or the shady drug dealer who bankrolls DJ Drama also bankrolls La the Darkman. Or said drug dealer who bankrolls La the Darkman also bankrolls DJ Drama. And I've said "bankrolls" too much.

Anyway, Heist of the Century is a classic that I pull out several times a year. "Stick A-rabs for the crystals like Indiana Jones," dopeness.

You know Entertainment Weekly has jacked this "reviewing an album without listening to it" idea from you. They then actually listen to the album and re-review it, I guess so they don't have to pay you royalties. Evil.

DocZeus said...

"
You know Entertainment Weekly has jacked this "reviewing an album without listening to it" idea from you. They then actually listen to the album and re-review it, I guess so they don't have to pay you royalties. Evil."

I don't think I'm the first person to do ever review an album without reviewing it... See: Armond White (Career)

Christopher said...

Coop- I doubt Entertainment Weekly has gotten to caring about this corner of the Brandon Soderberg extended blog family circa 2007.

And never sleep on U-God. Dude drops gems when he feels like it.

"Yo, must I flex my cash, to sex yo' ass
I wet the Ave. when I set my path
The 'Vette don't crash, I'm built to long last
Grab my money clip, I hit the bong fast
Earn my respect, my checks they better cash
Finger on the trigger with my nigga Fred Glass
Knuckles is brass, start snuffin you fast
Jumpin outta cabs, grabbin money bags
Next shot go right through your hovercraft
You do the math my answer tounge slash
When will you learn it's return of Shaft
The genuine thriller, the Miller Draft
My force might blur, the Porsche'll purr
The apple martini, of course it's stirred
I'll do the honor, the Shaolin bomber
Shark skin armor, I'll bring the drama"

Jesus Shuttlesworth said...

so do cam and young dro have a fair amount in common then, besides a love of cars the color of tropicana's bananas?

d. b. cooper said...

"Coop- I doubt Entertainment Weekly has gotten to caring about this corner of the Brandon Soderberg extended blog family circa 2007."


I was playing fellas, I thought that "evil" would let ya'll know. (I thought maybe a good, tongue in cheek feud with a corporate magazine was right up Doc's alley). Then again, don't kid yourself, these mainstream publications are made up of individual writers who aren't above raiding disparate corners of the blogging universe for ideas. Truthfully, reviewers have been doing the revieweing an album without listening to it thing for years, Doc's just more honest.

Badmon3333 said...

I can concede that U-God has a hot verse here and there, and a GREAT MC voice, but let's be honest: after 'No Said Date' dropped, he took over for Masta Killa as the new Useless Member.

Totally shameless plug for my blog:
Obscure Music Monthly

tray said...

I don't think Cam and Dro have much in common either.

Jordan said...

So Briehan just gave this a 3.7, which makes 3.3 look optimistic.

Marcus said...

I just noticed that you said Cam'ron seems a little detached when talking about women. He sounds detached talking about everything

DocZeus said...

"So Briehan just gave this a 3.7, which makes 3.3 look optimistic."

A 3.7? Damn, this mixtape must be at a 0.6 in actuality then!

Anonymous said...

Fuck I dunno which one was worst... 808s & Heartbreak or Dedication 3 :S

NIck said...

Hey before you start using all those big words, know how to use them with proper grammar. you Wayne Hater