"Dedicated To The Winners & The Losers..." - Raekwon

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Not A Blogger's One Year Anniversary Spectacular

"It's A Celebration, Bitches..."

It's hard to believe that it was only one year ago today that my campaign to end the tyranny of the Global Hipster Conspiracy to destroy hip hop began. In celebration, I'd like to offer my top 15 favorite posts of the last year for your obvious re-enjoyment.

Without further ado.... Here are some of my favorite columns I wrote over the last year. Let the gloriously shameless self-congratulation begin:

15. A Not So Quiet Desperation - This was one of my earliest columns I wrote for the site and I feel that it still holds up fairly well. It's also kind of amusing that 50 Cent basically ignored all of my advice and lo and behold, "Terminate On Sight" was a flop. Let that be a lesson to all.

14. The Death Of The M.C.: From Lyrics And Flow To Ad-Libs And Swagger - Honestly, this was the article was the reason that I wanted to start this site and I feel this one was sort of underrated. I initially wrote a rough draft of this idea's thesis over at Status Ain't Hood in the comment section but I wanted to write a fully expanded idea and when I created this blog, I got my chance.

13. NEWS FLASH! XXL Magazine Chooses The Next Generation of Great Rappers; Annoyed Blogger Catches Feelings, Hates - This is the first one to get me really noticed by people. I always enjoy the chance to shamelessly mock major music institutions and to express righteous indignation at their fuckery. I mean, Gorilla Zoe is one of the next great emcees? Gorilla Zoe?! I'm also very proud of the fact that about half of my predictions turned out to be dead-on.

12. Mixtapes Are Not Albums - My Manifesto. This post was probably the most blogged about post that I've ever written for this site. Of everything that I wrote, this is the post that I'm most proud of. Although recently, I find that some of the mixtapes that have been coming out (Wale's The Mixtape About Nothing, Nas' The N.I.G.G.E.R. Tape, Rich Boy's "Bigger Than Tha Mayor") are making me question my basic thesis. Still this needed to be said.

11. The 2007 Not A Blogger End Of Year Hate-Off Spectacular: Part 1 - Hip Hop That Sucked - I love writing excessively negative pieces. It warms my bitter, cold heart.

10. The Artistic Amorality Of The Clipse (I Just Think They Could Do Better) - One of my better reviews I think because it delves a bit deeper into some of the issues with the music rather than a straight review of the artist's work. This is probably my most negative "positive" review I've ever given.

9. Hipster Rap: The Savior Of Hip Hop? - I loved writing this one. However, hipster rap hasn't saved rap yet but I still have my hopes.

8. Pen & Pixel: A Retrospective - This is probably the most popular thing that I've written for this site. I still get people linking to this post to this day. Like literally, somebody linked to it today.

7. Rappers Write Your Shit Down!: A Prayer For Shawn Carter -This one generated some pretty good debate on the nature of emceeing but I'll admit in retrospective, my premise is a bit flawed.

6. What I Imagine Vampire Weekend Sounds Like Without Ever Having Heard A Single Note From Them- Pound for pound, I think this is the funniest piece that I've written for this site. A personal favorite. This post came about after having a drunken discussion about these guys with my friend, Christine, and discovering they were not a heavy metal band. I was very annoyed and decided that it was time to take a stand against their wretched hipsterdom.

5. The Midwest Reigns Supreme: A Eulogy For The South - Oh man, did I piss some people off with this one! I stand by everything and anything that was said in this article.

4. Lil' Wayne - Tha Carter 3: Review - I stand by everything said in this article as well.

3. Not A Blogger Kills Status Ain't Hood - This was weirdly the most "controversial" thing I've ever written. It set off a flame war in the comment sections over at two separate blogs and probably permanently killed any hope I have for writing in the business. You either get the joke or you don't.... Jayson, sure as hell didn't get the joke!

2. Nas - The Album That Shall Not Be Named: Review - This is the best review that I've written for this site. It also generated an insane amount of comments.

1. BatBush, Harvey Obama & Osama Bin Joker: The Politics Of Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight - Even though, this is my most recent post, I think this is one of the best things I've ever written in my life. No hyperbole.

Although I've always said that if I ever win a major award that I would get up on stage, only thank myself for my own (obvious) genius, tell the crowd to go fuck themselves and be forced off the stage by large bouncers as I wave the middle finger at the television audience all the while singing the National Anthem and trying to do the cabbage patch (I feel this would be the greatest award speech ever), however I do have some shout outs that I'd like to give. I want to thank Brandon Soderberg, Rafi Kam, Joey from Straight Bangin' (I knew I missed somebody) and Jeff Weiss for being one of the first few bloggers to put me on. Big shout outs to my loyal readers and fellow bloggers: Trey Stone, Dallas Penn, Dart Adams, Christopher of "Fuck I Look Like?", Zilla Rocca, Tom Breihan, Jordan, Madman, Ass Hat, Ben Westhoff, Jay Smooth, African Origins, Floodwatch Music, Camilo Smith, Jesus Shuttlesworth, Padraig, Renato Pagnani, the Incomparable Noz, Shawn Brauch, Jay Kay A.K.A. Anonymous, Christine Werthman, Mom, Dad and a special shoutout to Everybody's Favorite Rabble Rouser, the Immortal Tray. I'd like to give a special thanks to Byron Crawford for throwing me under a bus over at XXL.com that may have been the highlight of my career thus far. If I forgot anybody, it's nothing personal (or is it...).

Here's to another year of being awesome!


Anonymous said...


smokeYYY said...

*Raises glass*

Dart Adams said...

Damn! You listed pretty much all of my favorites from the past year. It's been years since I used to regularly read the XXL blogs but I still harbor enough ill will for Bryon Crawford that I'd have to curb myself from doing him physical harm if we ever met.

I can't tell you how many times you forced me to go back to the lab and rewrite my shit after reading one of your blogs. Thanks for that, you have no idea how much it's appreciated.

BTW, the "new" Re-Up Gang "album" fuckin' sucks.



DocZeus said...


See I think Bol is misunderstood. Yeah, he's in asshole but all his pieces are satirical I believe. I thik he's really funny in a very, very dark and sick sort of way.

And yeah, I heard the Re-Up Gang album is awful but I haven't bothered to listen to it, yet.

Berto said...

I'm sad your post about what T.O.S must've sounded like didn't make the cut, but congratulations.

tray said...

If Bol's satire, what's he satiring? I read him fairly literally. With the understanding, of course, that there's a lot of comic exaggeration going on, but I think he more or less means what he says.

Trey Stone said...

i'll freely admit Bol can be funny sometimes, but he's a condescending douchebag when it comes to music. which is annoying when the rap he likes is either boring or terrible. there's also the fact that i think self-deprecation goes so far, the dude tries to pre-empt criticism by dissing himself, but making fun of yourself for being a loser who talks shit on the Internet doesn't change the fact that you're a loser who talks shit on the Internet. he's just a more talented version of your average i'msmarterthaneveryone message board nerd

but anyway, congrats man. and since you listed me first as a fellow blogger i'm obligated to not launch into a long-winded criticism of your posts/tastes for, let's see...4 days? really though i appreciate it man, and keep doin' what you do when you do it...my bad another Weezyism

Zilla Rocca said...

Remember the guys in the movie "Crooklyn" who just walked around the entire summer huffing glue in brown paper bags (I think Spike Lee played one of them)? That's the equivalent of reading Byron Crawford the last 2 years.

Anyway, thanks for the shoutout Doc! I know everytime post something it's going to kill 20 minutes of my work day! And I'm going to get hella pissed at Tray, Trey Stone, Ice Tray, Will Smith's homie on "Fresh Prince," and Tre of the Pharcyde, who co-signed Brian Austin Green and had love jones for that annoying liberal white bitch on "Real World: Hawaii."


Jesus Shuttlesworth said...

it amazes me that bol is still around when xxl got rid of their entire first cohort of bloggers. especially since he rarely writes about music, and like trey said, has awful taste.

congrats, my man.

Joey said...

Happy blogday, boy boy.

DocZeus said...


Dude, I can't believe I missed you. That was egregious.

DocZeus said...

And in terms of Bol, he's their site's most popular writer (although Ron Mexico has been doing some absolutely hilarious posts recently for them) so he clearly wasn't going to get fired. Bol's marginally famous. Very marginally famous.

Jordan said...

Doc: Congrats. Seriously, I give you shit in the comments section a lot, but even though I can find something I disagree with in most of these posts, you've put together a pretty excellent, entertaining well thought out collection of writing over the year. Keep going. I'm honored to have been thanked.

Zilla: Was Ice Tray the guy played by Don Cheadle? Also, you gotta add another name to your list, 'cause Playboy Tre put out the best mixtape of the year so far.

Zilla Rocca said...


I thought Ice Tray was played by DL Hughley but looking at IMDB.com, it was indeed Don Cheadle. The most memorable scene was Ice Tray brining Will a cheesesteak from Philly where the bag was so greasy, you could see the inside (which is indeed the mark of a true cheesesteak). And then Uncle Phil or Will threw him out the house for trying to pimp Hilary.

Never heard of Playboy Tre.

Rafi said...

mazel tov dr z

Anonymous said...

kudos my man. i dont always agree w/ you but im all in favour of a wide spectrum of opinions being expressed. it makes for great discussion. unconditional hip hop love in the blogosphere would be disturbing. please continue to push buttons. - jay kay aka i-see-there's-other-jk's-popping-up-in-various-comments-sections -so- im officially- changing- my- annoymous-handle-to 'Jay (d)ef Kay'. OK. Congrats again

africanorigins said...

Happy Birthday or Blog day dog! Yeah. I stumbled across your blog after XXL did that fuckin' incredible article on Hip Hop's next generation. That post you did was hilarious(But alas some of your earlier posts were possibly funnier). You have an entertaining and very in depth writing style I liked since the beginning.

Man I even tried to write a little something to the Editor at the Village Voice. But I don't know if they read that shit. But I wonder who's gonna replace Tom. I barely read his blog because that shit used to piss me off on the regular. Much success to ya though. Peace.

AJM said...

Congratulations !

Renato Pagnani said...

Congratulations on year one!