Our Glorious Leader Knows What's Up...
Those that were with this (not a) blog since it's genesis know that I got my start as the XXL-mentioned "superstar" blogger that I've become as a lowly commenter on my notorious, much-hated on nemesis', Tom Breihan's blog, "Status Ain't Hood", over at the Village Voice's website. It's no secret that I have been on a one-man crusade to hate on and disparage Tom's tragic taste in popular rap music since my days as a fruit fly bitching about motherfuckin' Pitbull being placed higher than Nas in Tom's personal canon. Nothing brings me greater pleasure then slyly mocking Tom and others of his tragic ilk when they fawn over Weezy's second rate Ol' Dirty Bastard impression as if it's the Word.
So it came as a personal shock to me yesterday, when I discovered that Tom will be leaving the Village Voice and ending his most notorious blog. I was devasted in ways that can't possibly be expressed in words. Whose words will I get needlessly worked up into a healthy and gooey froth over when they make outrageous claims like Young Jeezy is a good rapper or Cam'ron is lyrical genius? Noz? He no longer works for XXL. Bol? The man is basically a self-parody now. I suppose there is always the rest of the clowns at Pitchfork.com but it's just not gonna be the same without Tom riding the nuts of some half-assed indie rock band. I may have to continue on my path to complete self-destruction and take up drinking at work without a proper nemesis to waste my time hating on.
Now Tom claims that he's leaving the Voice of his own personal accord for greener pastures, however, we all know what's really up. I can only take this loss of one of the world's most notorious bloggers as my own personal victory and a testament to my supreme ability to hate on people that I barely know. I mean it's a great comfort to know my hating is that powerful and influential. Who knows? Could I end the career of Shawn Carter next? Time will only tell.
I started this blog almost as the anti-Status Ain't Hood when one of my fellow commentors on the blog asked after I made another one of my patented sarcastic bile-infused rants if I had a "humorless blog somewhere where I can read more." I took that piece of criticism to heart and soon started the blog that you are reading today. "Not A Blogger" was created as a sanctuary for hip hop that didn't suck; where rappers with actual, discernible talent would be praised and mediocre rappers would be endlessly mocked for the amusement of all (but mostly myself). I feel that since this blog was concieved as the antithesis to Tom's blog that since Tom has left the Village Voice that the only logical choice to fill his position would be me. I feel that I would be truly an inspired and excellent choice to be the the Voice's resident music blogger since I actually know what I'm talking about and can most assuredly say something controversial to bait page views and the comment flies. I encourage (nay demand) that all of my loyal readers (Tray and Trey that means you!) to write to the Village Voice and demand that they hire me as their new music blogger. You know I will work cheap. Just ask the Los Angeles Times. They had me working for free!
In all seriousness, Tom is one of my favorite writers working today. I read his blog religiously and he is one of the best writers writing about popular music today. Hyperbole and my asshole rants aside, I will really miss checking his blog when I'm goofing off at work and I really do wish him nothing but the best in the future. I'll probably end up following him to whatever forum hires him next as a writer if nothing else for my sheer amusement. I actually happened to meet his brother, once, while I was working on a film production in New Jersey and he was a really nice guy so I'm assuming Tom is pretty much like him. I mean if for nothing else, Tom's a Syracuse University alumni like myself so he's at least got that going for him. Us, Orange(men), have got to stick together, after all.
Although for the record, there is nothing more hood than status. Just ask Jay-Z.