"Dedicated To The Winners & The Losers..." - Raekwon

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Not A Blogger Does A Week In Rap City: Part II

Welcome back, "loyal" readers (or somebody who accidentally stumbled onto this page) to Day 2 of Rap City Week on Not A Blogger. Yesterday, I subjected myself to an hour of rap videos, budget ass production values, and Q45's relentlessly awkward chemistry with the viewing public. Our hero is back today with guest DJ, B-Lord, for the second straight day. B-Lord looks kind of like Carlos Santana today in his head wrap and is wearing a ridiculously glittery shirt with the words "Trojan Man" WRITTEN on it. If I were a less enlightened individual, I might be saying to myself "no homo" right about now. Luckily, I am a mature and sensible human being.

Thank the heavens! They've decided to play the one video thats actually worth a damn today on Rap City, UGK's "International Player's Anthem." I can't state exactly how much I love this particular video. I've watched this video maybe 50 to 60 times since it came out and its still stunning. The concept, the music, the verses, Pimp C's outfit...All fucking choice. Unfortunately, they didn't play the intro today so it just kicks off in Andre's verse but let me ask you one thing, what's with Pimp C and cell phones? Am I missing something? Is that a weird fetish of his? I'm not sure I approve. Although, that hat is just...wow.

Kia Shine's "Krispy" is up next. I don't like this song but this is just vapid enough to sell a lot of ring tones to people who don't know any better. It has everything it needs to be a hit: "Laffy Taffy"-esque demo button on a Casio Keyboard production, a hook based on a popular slang word, a slightly feminine rapper in braids speaking in a Southern accent, a pre-packaged dance, and I swear those are the drums to "Paul Revere" in the background. I hate when crappy rappers butcher old school rap classics. Why? Because I live to hate.

Chamillionaire "Hip Hop Police" plays next. I really liked "Ridin" last year when you couldn't escape it if you had even a remote interest in music but I'm not sure if this is going to recapture the magic of that song. Don't get me wrong. This is light years better than most rap music but I can't imagine this capturing the imagination of Weird Al and becoming such a ubiquitous hit mostly because the plight of dumb ass rappers who go down on gun charges is not the travesty of justice that they think it is. Mostly because they always get off with probation and taking the fall for the gun is what the Tony Yayo's of the world are for in the first place. They certainly aren't there for their rap skills. If an actual rapper is caught with a gun thats just blind stupidity. I do think this video is pretty hilarious though especially the part where Jay-Z gets arrested on yacht in St. Barthez. Thats just cold, Cham. Thats cold.

Cleveland's own Bone Thugs-N-Harmony "Lil L.O.V.E." is next up on the show featuring Crazy Ol' Mariah Carey , Jermaine "I Can't Believe My Midget Ass is Still Fucking Janet Jackson" Dupri, and Lil Bow Wow's delusional ass. This video is really more like a Mariah Carey featuring Bone Thugs video than a Bone Thugs featuring Mariah Carey video but whatever. I guess its all good because the world doesn't really need to be staring at Wish Bone's face any longer than necessary. You know, Mariah Carey maybe bat shit crazy in the Lauryn Hill sense of the word but she's still damn hot.

Q-45 segues into 50 Cent's "I Get Money" by calling it the hottest record out right now which summarily gets the gas face from me. Its more like the hottest record that Jimmy Iovine is forcing down our throats of all the recent 50 Cent abortions he's been forcing down our throats the last few months but I digress. I will admit I do kind of love this song but any song that combines Audio Two and the drums from "I'm A Hustla" is going to make me a happy camper. MC Rove could spit over this and I'd probably like it.

I have stated on multiple times that I feel the success of Young Jeezy is more due to the Def Jam marketing and A&R departments than any musical talent and vision this guy has. To me, he defines boring. All of his songs sound virtually identical, all of them feature some of the worst lyrics in recent hip hop history, and all of them manage to be about one frickin' subject. USDA "Corporate Thuggin" somehow manages to be particularly heinous even for Jeezy. This is what you get when you strip Jeezy from his Def Jam masters and you get this partial birther. Although, its fitting that this is such a budget ass video for such a budget ass song.

After the commercial break, Q-45 sprinkles some more of his trademark painful on-screen banter with B-Lord about Little Brother of all groups and asks him his opinion about Ninth Wonder leaving the group. I'm not sure if I'm more shocked that Q-45 is a fan of Little Brother or he expects anybody who watches BET with any regularity knows or cares about who Little Brother is. I'm sort of surprised that Reginald Hudlin didn't run out and tackle Q the second the words "Minstrel" and "Show" were uttered in succession on Black Entertainment Television.

Of course, any good will Q-45 has engendered with me is instantly squandered by the fact that he plays Yung Berg's "Sexy Lady (The Remix)" featuring Jim Jones and Rich Boy next. Tell me why does Jim Jones have a career? And why is he on every remix of every remotely popular song? And somebody get Rich Boy a sandwich.

Kafani feat. Keak Da Sneak "Fast (Like A Nascar}" I thought hyphy music flopped miserably last year when E-40 bricked. Why is this coming back? Why?

Mims "Like This" I think its kind of hysterical that Mims is bragging that he had a #1 ring tone on this track. I think its kind of hysterical that Mims has a career. I don't think its hysterical that Mims got to release an album before Saigon and Papoose.

Swizz Beatz "Money In The Bank" Swizz Frickin' Beatz gets the first repeat play of the week and the last video of the episode. I discovered that the second song at the end of the video is called "Top Down" by my keen powers of observation and research skills. That beat is still money. Too bad, Swizzy isn't an actual emcee or it might actually be a half decent song. Who told him he was Kanye West?

Final Thoughts: Once again, we didn't get anybody spitting anything in the Booth which is always the highlight of this show. I thought it was sort of interesting that Q45 actually likes Little Brother. I mean the news that 9th and the rest of LB had split is months old and completely not news but what can you expect from BET.

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